


Dark December

by Black_Mesa_Secret_to_Everyone



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: (!!), (Pronouns to be added as characters introduced), (this next one in particular won't happen til later chapters), Ask to Tag TWs, Assume all characters are Neurodivergent, Because of course he does, Benny also prob. Autistic, Benrey has Perfect Pitch, Benrey is Human, Benrey's also Gay, Body Horror, But it also Wasn't a Game Au, But with Anomalous Abilities, Can't believe I haven't seen that elsewhere yet tbh, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-typical Cursing, Character with past loved one who died, Characters dealing with very weird types of Unreality, Characters in very bad spots, Depression, Dissociation, First let's get into Pronouns n' the Fun Stuff tho XD, Fun Facts time!!, Gman Voice: You'll. . You'll figure it out, Gordon Bi-man, Gordon Transman, Gordon also has Anomalous Abilities, Gordon also has Anxiety, Gordon and Benrey are the main characters, He just don't know it yet :3cc, He/Themrey, I WILL Tag every chapter with TWs, It was all a Game Au, Joshua Exists, Like a LOOOOOONG Time, M/M, Mature Rating for themes and intensity of themes, Mild to Intense, Multi, No Character Deaths occur during this fic tho, No one is ok, Non-Binary Benrey, Oh yeah there's cursing, Ok Serious Stuff Tags, On the Run, Poss. eventual inclusion of OC Side Characters, Prolonged Suffering, Reference/Implied Past suicide attempts, Road Trip, Story Tag Time!, The Benrey/Gordon will take a LONG Time, They gotz. . quite a long way to go, Trans!Gordon, We still mostly focus on the main chast tho, Will add more as needed - Freeform, Will be explained, but doesn't live with Gordon, but. . . he don't really got time to think about that rn, gordon has adhd, lack of self-care, long fic, no Nsfw, shutting down, so does benrey, switching POVs, tags to be updated, tw torture, unreality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29196021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Mesa_Secret_to_Everyone/pseuds/Black_Mesa_Secret_to_Everyone
Summary: ROAD TRIIIP!ROOOAD TRIIIIIP!!~* or *~Gordon Freeman goes on a Cross-Country Road Trip with the Science Team (and Benrey) because they're all On the Run and No one is Ok - The Fic™️
Relationships: Benrey & Bubby & Tommy Coolatta & Dr. Coomer & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	1. I Heard a Bird Sing. . .

**Author's Note:**

> Heyooo startin' off the fic w/ the Prologue!! 
> 
> For a list of comprehensive TWs, As well as Comprehensive Chapter Summary (For 1: If you can't read the chapter but still wanna know what goes down, 2: Want to 100% Know as much as can be gathered from the chapter, and/or 3: Are from the Future™️ and want to brush up on what happens in earlier chapters!!), please jump to ~~End Notes~~!! XD 
> 
> **Edit: I Posted the TW and Summary in a Comment Bellow!!** If I had kept them in the end notes they would appear at the end of ALL Chapters and that's. . a No XD - **Thank you for your understanding, they'll be in the end notes in all the chapters after this one!!**

They could barely feel themself. . . and they felt too heavy. This was the first sensation he felt.

His grip on. . the present. . . too loose. . 

Distantly, distantly he can hear the whirring of machines through. . . through _something. . ._

He felt nothing, but also. . .

Machines faded out as other sounds lazily filtered in.

“Doctor, about these readings. . .”

“-ot here right in time,-”

“-ckers at Aperture, _ha_ -”

“-this time around, huh?”

_So many voices. . . yet so distant. . . the scuff off too many shoes. . ._

How long had they felt like this?

“-rain waves are fluctuating. . .”

A snort.

“The sedatives are wearing off. Don’t worry about it, just focus on the cro-”

He. . They could feel distant. . _electricity_ , under their skin. . . _distant. . like everything else. . ._

“-ry, do you really think-”

“-arm, as they say. . .”

_He was. . . he was. . ._

_who were they. . ?_

  
  


_. . . what was he, again?_  
  


“-art the experiment.”  
  


The whirring kicked back up, louder, if only by a fraction. The voices all filtered out, hushed in the sudden up-kick of machinery. 

There was nothing else, until a _crack_ in the air, like static shock from fuzzy socks magnified a hundred times.

Silence. . . 

Then SOUND.

**_PAIN._ **

The electricity in his body _SCREAMED_ . They tried to breathe, _they couldn’t breathe -_ there was muffled screaming, the pitch piercing his ears but not more than the _SOUND_

A SONG, FORGIEN AND INTENSE AND UNYIELDING AND _LOUD_ AND _. . . IT WANTED -HIM-_

_IT WAS COMING, IT WAS COMING AND SHATTERING THEM AND EVERYTHING AND IT’S COMING IT’S COMING IT’S COMING-_

HE PULLED AND PUSHED AWAY AND _PULLED_ \- THERE WAS NOWHERE TO RUN, HIS BODY WHAT BODY COULDN’T WOULDN’T MOVE NO WHERE TO RUN FROM THE UNEARTHLY _NOISE_

EVERYTHING. . . HE FELT _EVERYTHING. . ._

“-astard’s resisting again. Keep it open as long as possible.”

_The screaming continued, wrapping and warping around the cacophony of Sound. . ._


	2. A Strangled Aria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's see how things are going with Gordon, shall we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're already on to Chapter One/Gordon's POV!! XD Despite how nice it'd be, I did Not write this all in a short time - I actually wrote these two chapters out in December, this being my first real big HLVRAI Fic/Au. I originally intended to write a Few chapters out then start drip-posting with a buffer, but then. . . I got Another Fic idea ('Oh, I can do this lighter-hearted one inbetween chapters of the First! :3' I said). Then it started to grow. . . then I got _Another_ Fic Idea ('Oh, I can work on this fast, fun little crossover inbetween the Other two! :3' I said). . . And now I have 3 _COMPLETELY_ different fics in the works (In various degrees of ready-to-post) all with utterly different moods and concepts/directions. . . And so I decided: Screw it!! I'll just post them all as they're ready, instead of the original stricter-upload plan XD Dark December's Prologue and First Chapter were done and I Really wanted to share it, so why not post them as I work on it and the rest as well?
> 
> So!!
> 
> We have the Prologue and first Chapter up and ready to read!!! But I _Will_ warn ya'll now, Updates might take a while '''XD Out of the 3 This one is the most planning-intensive/will need the most review and Beta Reading (Thank you, my amazing 3 Beta-Readers!! Ya'll know who you are XD) to get the mood/tone I'm going for. I thank you for ya'll's patience (the idea so far is for each chapter to be Long, so ahjsdja with that!!), and any/every kudos or comments ya'll may leave can and will make me feel all warm inside XD When are the other two coming out, you may ask? I have no idea!! But I'll post them when their first chapter(s) are ready!! XD (One in Particular™️ will take Prompts™️, so look out for that one!! XD (Also the other one, tho it is horribly self-indulgent jkasdkjlsadk Not sure how many other people will be for it but I Love it so much XD)) If ya'll have any questions, comments, concerns, or wanna cry over how horribly Benrey and Gordon start out, leave a comment and I'll probably respond, if I don't pull a Gordon™️ in this chapter!! :D Ok, Enjoy the fic now ya'll!! XD
> 
> Trigger Warnings, Unreality Explanations and Summary down in the end-notes!! X3 

_ Breathe in, breathe out. Ground yourself, Gordon. _

Today was a day like any other for Gordon Freeman. 

Nothing much of note had happened. He skimped out on making breakfast again, settling on a bowl of half-stale vegetable/grain/whathaveyou flakes and some juice he found in the back of his fridge.

He had his breakfast on the couch with a heaping side of mind-numbing, B-rate TV drama. If asked what it was about, he honestly wouldn’t be able to say.

Breakfast was followed by remembering to take his T shot, followed by a few hours fiddling around on his computer under the lie of attempting to pull his resume together for the 20th time this month.

The laundry dwindled (He only had the distant impression of a thought he’d have to do it this time around), dust collected on surfaces, and the giant wad of money sitting in his bank account remained. He was still half convinced it was going to disappear, like eve ~~ rything else- ( _ Stop _ ) ~~

The resume barely saw the light of day, nor did anything else miraculously get done, time taken up by surfing through youtube videos and random info pages.

Dinner was up next, comprising of a half-heartedly heated up TV dinner which, you guessed it, was taken alongside another round of B-rate TV.

By the end of it he wound up sitting at the edge of his bed (actually having brushed his teeth this time!! The seed of a good feeling that action brought was  _ almost _ not drowned out by the pressing immediate memory of the rest of the day, and the days before that, and the days before those. . .)

. . .

. . .

  
  
  


Gordon was empty.

He sighed, curling down to put his face in his hands. He breathed in and out. He didn’t know what this was, he didn’t  _ know. . . _

_ Ground yourself, Gordon.  _ He reminded himself, attempting to solidify his expression to encourage his thoughts to do the same. 

He just. .

The past few months have been hard. Laid off his first job in his chosen area of expertise, only to be laid off the second almost as fast. Why did he spend so much time, so much  _ effort _ getting his bachelors in engineering, in his internships, if he was just going to be fired within months of all jobs he touched?

Memories of those nights spent crunching at his grandmother’s house, hearing her chat with Joshua (despite not being in the room he could still clearly picture Joshua in his high chair, chubby face scrunched in thought before speaking in rapidfire babbles, Abuelita responding with patience and amusement-) - and Gordon was in the room adjacent, pressing his notes into his brain as deeply as he could, over and over and over. . . .

Time  _ not _ spent with his son, not with his Grandmother, with no one else, to. . .  _ He _ . .

His teeth clenched. He had done it so they could have a better life. So he could support himself and his son, to provide him  _ everything _ \- He wanted to support Abuelita too, the one who had given him stability, who practically  _ raised _ him when his own childhood fell to shit. 

He didn’t do it all to just sit here, half across the country because he convinced himself it was the only way to get his foot in the business, only to get fired again over who knows what while Abuelita watched - more like raised ( _ too much it was too much like she had to do for HIMSELF- _ ) - Joshua by herself, waiting for Gordon to get back on his feet, waiting for him to make something of himself, waiting for him to stop being such a pathetic loser, waiting for him to get over-

All too quick he felt the adrenaline rush that thinking about the incident always brought, muscles tensing to run or fight, nerves drenched in the too familiar constant fear he experienced every moment for what had felt like days.

The incident where one moment he was putting on his old VR headset to play a ripped version of a childhood favorite, and the next he was running through the halls of the fictional Black Mesa itself, believing it all real, fighting tooth and nail to survive alongside. . .

He turned his head to the side. He. . . he couldn’t think of the too-real AI he ‘survived’ alongside with. It was. . . it was too confusing.

They had felt so  _ real _ . Being. . outside. . . outside, Gordon knew, he  _ knew _ on some level that they didn’t actually exist. That they were just lines of code, they were just. . . just what? The question and any answer eluded him whenever he thought about it. 

When he first purchased the game at an old second-hand store, he assumed it was some modded version someone had made in their basement - That didn’t explain how complex they were, though. He had looked briefly into what it would take to craft real,  _ actual _ AI in college as he was deciding what discipline to pursue; It was  _ complicated _ . And nothing nowadays reached the apparent level of what- ( he had to stop himself from saying ‘who’ ) he encountered in the. . . the. . .  _ whatever _ it was.

Whatever it was, whoever made it, it had felt  _ real. _ And. . .

He brushed his hands together as he fidgeted, freezing when his flesh hand rubbed against metal. 

A chill ran down his spine and settled in the pit of his stomach.

His prosthetic.

The prosthetic he had when woke up after the ‘party’, laying on his back on top of his bed, the twilight glow of the city washing in through the window of his 4th story apartment. Three days had passed since he put on the headset, he had twenty three unread texts, five missed calls, the game and VR headset were gone, and he was missing his right arm below the elbow.

Tears pricked his eyes. He. . he  _ knew _ it couldn’t be real. He knew he couldn’t have  _ actually _ been inside that hellhole, he knew he couldn’t  _ actually _ have laughed along side the Science- aside those AI, he knew he couldn’t actually have felt anything about-  _ any _ of them, he knew he couldn’t have lost his real arm, he knew he couldn’t have been  _ betrayed _ -

He was shaking, hot tears flowing freely, all the muscles of his left arm straining under his vice grip on the prosthetic in the place where his right arm used to be, where it  _ should be- _

He breathed in, he breathed out. 

Releasing the faux limb he forced his body to untense. Slowly, as if he would break otherwise, he eased himself into bed, rubbing his eyes.

Tomorrow he’d fix up his resume, he’d look up some jobs willing to take in a twice-fired engineering noob, and he’d move on like he should. 

Like he  _ had _ to.

\----------------  
  


Today had been a day like any other. It made sense the night would be the same.

He ended up in bed later than one would think, but still at about the time one would expect. Glasses and prosthetic on the bedside table, and a small bit of self-care in the form of getting up to secure a glass of water to leave beside said glasses and prosthetic.

All in all nothing out of the ordinary, everything was as expected.

That’s why when there was a single, odd tap on the window of his 4th story apartment, Gordon Freeman was roused from his sleep.

What was that? Gordon took in the sight of his dimly-lit bedroom, blinking the sleep from his eyes. In the fog of half one’s brain being inexplicably awoken and the other still dragging through the process of booting up, he tried to process exactly what it was he just heard and what the fuck he was going to do about it.

It couldn’t be a person, he’s on the 4th floor and the fire escape has been rusted to hell since the 80’s. He’d be hearing footsteps like the time his upstairs neighbor attempted to (unsuccessfully) sneak back into his apartment drunk, probably trying to sneak past his boyfriend waiting at the door (the argument had been loud that night, and the ceiling-floor thin as always).

He reached for his glasses. Can’t be a bird, either. If it was it would have been much louder (more events he wished he hadn’t experienced). And the small glimpse of the weather he saw in the corner of the local news channel said tonight was supposed to be clear.

Momentarily running a hand through his curls he turned his left ear to the slightly open door, straining to hear anything else.

There was nothing. Just the white noise of trying to hear something that isn’t there. That’s. . . that’s actually kinda weird - usually even this late he could hear the sounds of the city humming into the night. . .

Then there was the telltale sign of something solid moving in front of the sliver of light coming through the crack of his door.

_ SHIT. _ Throwing off his covers he reached for his prosthetic without thinking, the machine clicking into place in the dock at the end of the stump of his right arm. 

Gordon was across his room and at his door, yanking it open before he even registered his adrenaline and-  _ there was someone he’d never seen before _

He barely had time to register the woman before him, hair tied back in a tight ponytail and wearing a tight dark combat suit before she came at him,  _ something _ in her hand-

He jerked backwards, instinctually blocking with his right arm. 

The needle ( _ NEEDLE!?! _ ) in her grip clanked off metal, slipping downwards as their momentum carried the both of then backwards. What the  _ FUCK- _

Miraculously Gordon just barely managed to keep his footing as the assailant surged forward again, teeth gritted. He spun with a yelp, shoving her out of the way as he ran for the door-

_ There was another one. _

The second assailant in even more body gear than the first made to tackle him, and it was all Gordon could do to duck (he didn’t know what the fuck kind of instincts these were, but he thanked any and every god for them) and throw his body against the wall to dodge the buffer man. 

A glance towards his bedroom as he righted himself revealed the woman shoving the man out of her way, her eyes trained on  _ him. _

He booked it.

He could barely hear his own footsteps pound against the carpet, let alone the sound of his assailant, but he knew she was  _ gaining- _

As he burst out of the hallway and into the living room he grabbed the table lamp on the island table he bought recently and turned, smashing it against the side of the assailant’s head.

It shattered upon impact, blood splattering across the wall and the floor and his  _ hand- _ he let the momentum turn him back forward as he  _ ran _ for his door (The window was open, the window was open and someone  _ else _ was coming  _ IN _ ) - the seconds it took to unlock the chain and doorknob were punctuated with pulse-pounding fear and his own blood rushing in his inner ears.

He could just barely hear the muffled sounds of talking and yelling as he yanked open his front door and tore down the carpeted hallway.

Without a thought he threw open the fire escape and started taking the stairs down two three at a time. Some part of him registered this wasn’t fast enough, however, and in a swift motion he hopped the railing, gritting his teeth as his feet hit the concrete hard. It didn’t stop him from doing so the rest of the way down; Run, jump, land, repeat.

With a heave he shoved open the fire escape and threw himself into the alleyway, gasping in the cold night air.

Then he felt something weird, as if he were passing through a thin wall of. . not-wet mist. 

Suddenly, everything around him came to life again through sound - the distant hum of traffic on the freeway, the sounds of a few TVs on in the apartment building next door, the bar down the street, his own heaving breaths. . .

What the fuck is happening. . _What the_ _FUCK is going on. . ._

_ Keep running _ the panic in him said, and he started again down the alleyway, socked feet slapping against concrete. If he can just get to the street, to the sidewalk, someone will see him, someone will be able to  _ call _ someone and then-

A car engine revved into auditory range, closing in fast. 

Gordon watched as. . . a white Cadillac?? sped by the alley he was in, only for the sidewalk to light up red as it reversed (the engine being pushed harder than it should), the car screeching to a halt in front of the alleyway. . .

“Hello, Gordon!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TWs:** Lack of self-care, 'Wasting' time/putting things off, Consistent stopping of certain thoughts, Small positives drowned out by how one is living, Depression, Anxiety, Character struggling with having goals but not meeting them, Believing a loved one is more critical of one's life than they are, Sense of time wasted/time not spent with close family, PTSD/PTSD-like responses to thinking of trauma, Character grappling with a sort of Unreality (explained below), Believing one's (AI XD) friends to not be real but also grappling with that, Unresolved feelings/ignoring problems, Home Invasion, Mention of sounds that should be there not being there, Character almost injected with unknown substance, Fighting to escape, Blood, Unreality stuff, Cliffhanger ending that changes certain pre-established dynamics (Slight Unreality/Explained below)  
> \---  
>  **FULL UNREALITY EXPLANATION:** In the real world Gordon had purchased what looked like a VR-modded copy of 'Half Life'. After he started, for some reason, he felt like it was real the whole time (It felt like roughly a week). After the Chuckathy Cheddars™️ party he woke up in his bed, having missed 3 days in the real world and missing his right arm. It had also been replaced with a high-tech lookin' prosthetic. He does not know where it came from, nor does he understand how his _real_ arm went missing. He grapples with the whole experience, clearly wanting his AI friends to be real despite almost fully believing they are not. He isn't able to check anything because the game was missing when he woke. He also has money of unknown origin in his back account. He has no answers and he avoids thinking about it. During the home-invasion section Gordon mentions the lack of background sounds that should be there. It is not revealed in the chapter, but who/what ever was invading his home was actually using a sort of sound-dampening device, presumably to not alert any other people in case there was a struggle. After Gordon manages to make it to the alleyway he hears a very familiar 'Hello, Gordon!' from someone in a white cadillac. As we will see in the next chapter the speaker is in fact Dr. Coomer, and he (and all the 'AI') are actually real. What the 'game' was will be explained in coming chapters, but know it was able to trap real people in it. The Science Team were real all along but were also trapped inside - recently they busted out/are here to pick up Gordon. Here, only in this fiction, in this story, they are actually real/that is the answer to Gordon's grappling. This does not happen in real life - AI/Programmed peeps don't actually turn out to be real.  
> \---  
>  **A/N:** and I Oop-   
> \---  
>  **(SPOILERS/COMPREHENSIVE SUMMARY)** : We start with Gordon coaching his breathing, attempting to ground himself. We launch into a typical day - Not eating much or healthily, 'wasting time' in front of the TV. It is revealed that he has been trying to get himself to update his resume (among other things) but continually put it all off. He has money of unknown origin in his back account (that he half-expects to disappear, but the thought leads to thinking of other things disappearing and he stops himself). Also, small detail, Gordon takes T-shots (Gordon Transman!!). Before he goes to sleep Gordon slips into self-loathing as we find out he got a bachelors in engineering but has been unable to hold a job. His Abuelita is watching Joshua while Gordon lives in at least a different state, and he talks about time wasted Not spending time with his two loved ones/Spent trying to push himself to get his degree and a stable, well-paying job, to support them all. As can be deduced, he hasn't actually tried to find a job in some time due to the Incident. The Incident being him playing what he thought was a VR version of an old favorite of his, 'Half Life', but something happened and he believed it to be real life as he played. He spent what felt like a week in the game before waking up on his bed with 3 days having passed in the real world, missed calls, and his right arm being gone/replaced with a high-tech prosthetic. He grapples with the concept that his 'AI' friends aren't real, clearly wanting them to be despite mostly believing they are not. He goes to sleep, promising yet again to work on his resume the next day. He awakens in the night to an odd tap at a window. After trying to sus out what it is - anf right as he comments he can no longer hear the sounds of the city he lives in like he should - he is attacked by an unknown assailant with a ponytail and a dark combat suit. Miraculously he manages to avoid most attacks and escapes his apartment which had more similarly-dressed assailants. After jumping down the fire escape and running into the alleyway sound returns, and a white Cadillac pulls up in front of the alley and he hears a voice say "Hello, Gordon!"


End file.
